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Wrong place

Ooops! the post titled :”Now what Baba” is definitely not about relationships! I just happened to have clicked the wrong button and ended with posting it in the wrong blog.


Now what, Baba

Raila Amolo Odinga, the doyen of Kenya’s opposition politics is involved in a titanic fight of his political life. As many commentators have noted, this is the last chance he has to attempt to win the presidency. I wish I could call it a realistic chance, but unfortunately, it is far from realistic; it is improbable.

So what now, Baba? I don’t think the options are many, in fact, unless he still has a joker hidden under the table that no one knows about, his options have greatly dwindled. If he chooses to run, the biggest headache will be what team he will go with to give him any realistic chance. He has antagonized most of those he has worked with in the past and I don’t see Kalonzo and Wetangula playing ball so easily, although that cannot be ruled out.

The other option would be to support a team that can deliver the presidency with which he will have great favor. It will not give him the satisfaction of being president, but if they win, he will go down history as the most prolific king-maker. And that is not a very bad record to hold, one might say!

What about supporting a team that would be willing to let him have a go in the next election? Farfetched. He will be old then, approaching 80 and that is no time to be breaking bones in election campaigns, getting insulted by people who could be his grandchildren.

One thing is clear in my mind; RAO may never rule Kenya, but his contribution to the political development of this nation cannot be taken away from him. And that in my view is one good reason why RAO should consider taking a long holiday in some exotic destination and not come back until the next president is announced.

Are you emotionally intelligent?

“It is not the smartest people who are the most successful or the happiest.”

You have probably come across this statement, which is commonly bandied around by motivational speakers. It definitely is true and I can restate it here in the context of relationships: the most successful people are not usually the happiest in relationships. And the reason for this is one important concept: emotional intelligence (EI). That is the subject of today’s discussion.

Just what is emotional intelligence?

It is defined as the ability to identify, assess, and control the emotions of oneself, of others, and of groups. As the term suggests, it is the intelligent way of identifying, understanding and using emotions of self and others in positive ways.

Emotional intelligence enables people to empathize with others, defuse tensions, relieve stress, and overcome many other challenges that occur when people of different characters come together. There are five essential elements of EI which I will briefly discuss.

Self-awareness: This is the basis of human ability to relate and refers to your knowledge of your own emotions. Do you recognize and acknowledge your own emotions? How do they affect your thoughts and behavior? Relationships have a way of exposing even the most guarded of emotions, many times surprising ourselves and those around us. Being aware of yourself in this way means that you can be in control of your emotions in any situation.

Self-management: Being aware of your emotions is not enough to have a successful relationship. You need to be in control of those emotions in a healthy way that on one hand does not stifle expression and on the other does not make you impulsive in your actions and reactions. Learning to balance between your right to free expression and sensitivity to the feelings of others is what makes for increasing emotional intelligence.

Social awareness: From self-awareness and self-management, the next big thing is the ability to understand the emotions, needs, and concerns of others, being sensitive and responsive to their needs, picking true and false cues, and feeling comfortable socially. Every group situation will have different dynamics and being able to be part of a group emotionally may supersede the ability to engage intellectually or otherwise.

Relationship management: Finally, you are emotionally intelligent if you can use the three aspects above to develop and maintain good relationships. This is the ability to communicate clearly in proper context, draw others to your circle to inspire and influence, become a team player, and manage conflicts. These are the qualities that ensure that the connections you make translate to healthy and useful long-term relationships.

Next: How to increase your emotional intelligence.


What plus what = good relationship?

Hi there,

Have a look at the relationship matrix below. It helps us to understand where we stand in our relationship in regard to the expectations of long survival and the comfort we feel being in it. It occurred to me that the two only meet once–in the first grid where comfort and hope of being together in the future are both high. However, every type of relationship has its risks and opportunities so its upon you to work on yours until you get it right.



Relationship matrix



Are you married? Dating? Have you wondered whether marriage works or whether it is for you? Then join us on the 6th December this year at Hill Park Hotel, Upper Hill, from 2-6pm. Lined up are exciting, interesting and informative topics that will be tackled by some of Kenya’s most experienced counselors and marriage therapists. Among the issues we will discuss include:

1. Misconceptions about marriage
2. Resolving conflict
3. Stages of marriage
4. Common ‘rocks’ in marriage
5. Myths about marriage
6. Importance of team work
7. Gender differences and roles in marriage

This is also a chance to meet new friends!

VENUE: Hill Park Hotel, Upper Hill
DATE: 6th December 2014
TIME: 2pm-6pm
CHARGES: Sh2,500 per couple
DRESS CODE: Casual smart

To book, call Faith on 0717 688 425
OR send money to Mpesa, paybill No. 879142 before 22nd November.


I will be part of the panel. See you there!